About
Welcome to Slow Harbor, a global conglomerate that exists for the sole purpose of enriching your life (and our shareholders’ brokerage accounts). Overseen by me, your capable Director General, we nominally employ some people, and their contributions are contributory. Because much of our work is classified, and because of the high probability that you are a peasant of questionable sanity, we cannot divulge the location of our Worldwide Headquarters. But trust us, it’s magnificent.
Our products are knowledge and keen analysis, and our service is distribution. Every day the Slow Harbor team, at great personal risk, goes down into the trenches of society in the relentless pursuit of truth. When truth is unavailable or just in the way, we make stuff up. Why? So that you can rest easy, knowing there is a global conspiracy team out there working on your behalf to get you the facts you need to continue your successful life in the basement.
It’s not just our job; it’s what we do.
– Ray Ryder, Director General, Slow Harbor
Slow Harbor is a humor publication. The essays are satire and personal storytelling. The stories here are drawn from real life, cheerfully embellished, or made up for your entertainment. The global institution called Slow Harbor, its departments, staff, and titles are not real. Ray Ryder is a pen name. Nothing here is news, advice, or a factual claim about any real person or company. Please don't take it seriously. That's the one thing we're serious about.
All content on this site copyright Slow Harbor/Ray Ryder. Content, including articles and essays, may not be republished without permission. For republishing and other media inquiries, contact us.